Friday, July 27, 2012

yeah, so anyway

after offering this to a close friend, i figured i would offer it to the world (or at least the small part of the world that stops into my small portion of the internet)...

need a distraction or new project?... there's my babbling to edit and sell... that's right, i am offering you the opportunity to edit my words and put them into a more commercial format... if you think you can do it, you would make some money in the process... your success would provide ego food, helping me would help your heart, and money would provide more freedom and options...

if you are interested, let me know and i will send you links to my babblings that you have not already found yourself... i write a few thousand words a day, at least... so pick up on my energy if you can, and hopefully will start a lucrative collaboration with me... if you don't want to, then do something good for yourself today...

make it a great afternoon and evening :)

Thursday, July 26, 2012

all for love

ok, seriously (oh really?), did you ever see the episode of house where the super genius chooses to drug himself stupid for the illusion of love?...

that never worked for me, seriously, and i tried just about every drug available in my formative years (well that explains a lot, doesn't it?)... maybe i just never took enough... is that being selfish?... not taking enough or taking drugs?... is this getting heavy?... is it my brother?... i mean, is it, my brother?...

as serious as serious gets, all i ever wanted was somebody to love who would love me as much as love can be and i'll just keep hoping and living for somebody to love and until she gets here i'll keep loving me cuz why should she love me if i don't, after all, i always want to be on the highest peak when i fall...

it matters to someone as much as it matters to me... i'll go on believing that for all eternity...

la la la...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

time may tell

so after all that (and yang too, cuz there is always balance even when it is not found), what i was thinking long ago (moments are eternities) when the idea for this blog came to mind was not just the infantile who cares cry of self-pity and/or apathy (balance even there) but the serious question that will be answered, for humanity, at least, only if humanity survives it's self-destructive tendencies... so yeah, who cares about me, about what i write, about how i feel or what i do... but more, who cares about whether human species survives...

let's start with me for now, ok? lol lam blah blah narf! :}

no really, who cares?

really?

in looking for a blog address for this new blog, as usual, the obvious addresses were taken by people who do not use them... who cares?... well, rich obviously does not since on friday, november 24, 2000 rich apparently took the blog address and did almost nothing with it (is that irony or selfishness or lack of creativity?) except make one statement about kevin and the answer to the why might have been found in the other two blogs created by this rich person (is there an allusion to the waste of blog address and space in the irony of the alternative meaning of the name of the blog creator?... perhaps), but it isn't... apparently rich missed the point of blogging and i move on to try another blog address...

and apparently mer apparently gave up on it (the second blog address i chose for this blog) way back in 2001 (though started dec 24th {holiday lonelies?} with a similar flair that many bloggers bring to their first blog, like why? and what's the point? and ultimately oh, why not...)... and go figure, i found mer amusing and wanting to know her as i read, not just cuz of this bit she wrote in a parenthetic aside about a group blog she joined called "d-blog" that went like this (now i've got myself singing: over d-blog and through d login to html we go. my hands know the way to type what i say, but the server is really slow...oh!...) , but that sense of humor and word play helped... there is something initially intellectually attractive in her rambles, even where i may disagree with her opinions (or when her words point to my hoping that i have overcome some similar foibles, mostly)... there is a familiarity... maybe it's a candor... and she loves metacognition... and she lead me to the velmas and sacred pie, which i may find time to explore at another time... for the moment, unfortunately, she refers to other blogs on a server apparently no longer in business (another internet loss of potential contact, alas) so connecting may be only in fantasy (as 99.9999% of these online excursions are, after all)... and so i find myself pondering why she ended what appeared to be the budding of a blog i'd have enjoyed and though it might be my Douglas Adams sense of humor that brings me to conclude that the blogger might not have wasted the name, but actually was prevented from continuing the blog as i consider that perhaps he or she wrote this and then suddenly died or worse, was murdered...

if you are laughing (whomever you are), yay you... in closing on this particular tangent (after all, i am looking for a blog address to use for a new blog, remember?), i did appreciate this thought, obvious as it is, for so few really think it out loud very much... "...it's awfully speciocentric for humans to assume that anything that is complex or abstract beyond the capability of understanding of a human mind is therefore impossible..." ~mer

and someone left this one back in 2003 leaving little to follow-up on, although this bit: i have a habit of thinking that i can buy security by overspending on people who im pretty sure already like me. its a costly habit. reminds me not to return to that habit (once i stop) and this entry: I am a gregarious misanthrope, but that is my cross to bear. im going to go make sugar cookies. does leave a little hope for the fantasy that we might have been friends...

still, all three are a sad waste of a perfectly good blog address i might have wanted... so i continued searching for the one that will be available and still fit the blog... and then, suddenly, without the usual brain strain of coming up with a dozen already taken blog addresses, i found one that fit about perfectly and here we are...

who cares, aye?