a love that's true

a life of giving to others
and what have to show
a whole lot of good feelings
that nobody will know
unless i find another
who wants to care and share
all i've got are memories
when nobody is here

will someone stay someday
or will i die alone
will anyone be around
to put up a heastone
or simply cremate me
will anybody care
enough to do it right
who will be there?

a life of nurturing others
why will nobody stay
do i give or ask for too much
what drives people away?
i life this life to share
and take care of my friends
yet here i am alone again
will i be alone when it ends?

what is this life about?
am i doing something wrong
i give my all without a doubt
and still is sing a lonely song
does no one see that i
want someone to care for me
the way i care for others
unconditionally

maybe that is too much to ask
maybe i'm the fool for giving so much
maybe people just take advantage
and then leave when they get enough
maybe the kind of love i share
is not what others will give
are we not all one family
is that not why we live

a life of caring for others
and yet who cares for me
people come and go so fast
no one stays family
will i ever find an equal partner
who wants to share the way i do
to trust unconditionally
to share honesty, a love that's true

is that really too much to give
i don't want to change the way i live
i love how i share when i can share
i love how it feels to care
is that so hard to understand
i never want to close my hand
what's mine is yours, it's meant to be shared
i don't regret a single moment
or how i cared
or how i shared
and now alone again i wonder
is my reasoning impaired...

will i ever find an equal partner
who wants to share the way i do
to trust unconditionally
to share honesty, a love that's true
a best friend, a partner in all we do
sharing honestly, a love that's true

best friend

you have left my life
i don't see you anymore
you were not my wife
there were no locks on the door
we were just best friend
and now you have a lover
so i am alone
looking for another
best friend

so happy for you
but feeling sad and lonely
nothing left to do
but take care of me only
and that is not me
come closer and you'll discover
what i life for is
to take care another
best friend

my purpose in life
what makes me happiest
is to nuture someone
to share a little nest
unconditional love
even if it's not returned
i am living for the giving
even if i get burned

now another page has turned
and a new chapter begins
i collect all i have learned
weigh the losses and the wins
living with you all these years
i'm not close to many others
finding another best friend
is not so easy
not so easy
not so easy

anybody out there?

yes, this blog does not completely avoid the question do you care? as a reader or does anybody care? and ultimately, is anybody out there?... could be no one has ever read this blog since there is no proof in comments and i don't recall anyone ever mentioning it... but do i really write this blog for anyone outside of my head? (of course i do, if i didn't i would not be uploading entries).. how much is for me and how much is actually asking the title question for this blog is speculation or analysis for another time... this entry is asking, is anybody out there?...

kind of like harry chapin's town that made america famous...

and i wonder, who cares...

the question

this may have been written elsewhere, but who cares... it can be the basis for an entry here anyway, since i am feeling more loneliness lately than usual and pondering why and what to do about it and since loneliness comes from wanting someone to care, pondering why i am alone (in the blog world) is a start... it may be that i lack an audience because i enjoy irreverence (and word play leading to repetitive redundancy and parenthetic distraction) so much that i may appear to present as pretentious obscurantism...

perhaps i am just misunderstood...

but i do wander into wonder a lot and can easily be distracted by almost anything, even squirrels... or tv... and there are those profoundly meaningless questions that come to mind like why are brits afraid to smile... or why are so many humans so afraid of sex... of course meaninglessness, like pretentious obscurantism, is in the mind of the beholder... everything is always a matter of perspective and opinion, after all... except what we know for sure, that is... but don't mind me, i am still looking for empirical evidence of my own existence...

it only matters if you care, so the ultimate question is... do you care?... or...

who cares? :)