and the music leads me to remember amidst the bliss of the celebration of life and being in the moment, some things are missing... it has been so long since the child inside was set free to come out to play without any set rules or inhibitions, i mean completely free of self-consciousness in the pure innocence only the child knows and can actualize... and it has been even longer since someone cared enough to help give the child that freedom for a while, a day, an hour, a moment, by being 'parent' or best friend and pulling the child back from the edge if we bounced too close to upsetting the grown up world... so long since the unconditional trust was actualized... so long since the child took the wheel and let go of all the fears and inhibitions... so long since the letting go... and still, i am what i am...
and knowing this and remembering, that is proof that there is still hope for the sharing to happen again and the child smiles and can come out to play as his(her) own parent, alone and lonely and still, free to be, you and me, being honestly, gently, carefully, not with inhibition or fear, but with love and care... for until someone else understands the magic of shared unconditional trust and honest love actualized, the child can lean on me... in reality...
glad, actually...
more anika
