pathetic whiner?

yeah, the madness of giving without balance is sad enough, but to become a perpetually pathetic whiner?... just look here and you will see (relativity), the brilliant charismatic irresistibly positive optimist and charming prince i once was has deteriorated (or de-evolved) into a statue of my former self, as statue frozen in a quite unattractive, disheveled, sorrowful position with poor posture... can nothing be done to ameliorate the situation?...

see blog title...

self-destruction, ad infinitum

the madness of giving until there's no more to give, the impossible dream is a sad way to live... when the drowning person is addicted to the feeling of drowning, the rescuer is the enemy... when someone feels guilt for the addiction, the helper is the enemy.... the consumer is addicted to consuming, to buying, to spending way beyond their means... for them, the giver is the best friend and the enemy... facing the addiction lowers self-esteem so there is no appreciation for the giver, only avoidance and lashing out to push the giver away... so how to help the addicted consumer is the answer the giver seeks and without that answer, the giver is destined to fail...

and who cares?...

why care?

so the first week of december has me remembering (see the first fifty or so december 2012 entries in (e)thereal for the pathos and so on) my heart and realizing years of altruism have felt wonderful, but have left me financially drained and emotionally lonely... this may be the most chellenging year of this life... or second... or... there's only one who ever really gave back and i took too much from her and she doesn't respond anymore... everybody else just took all i had... and lately the physical world has me more challenged than ever with the foot injury earlier this year and with another injury now, both coinciding with the first loss of incomes that was not my choice or expected or prepared for in this life... that's besides the tinnitus and neck pains and aging and dying and loneliness and... i really am tired of whining and complaining... and it is not just staying in words like it used to, it's spilling over into daily life... no wonder i am alone... obviously i am not taking care of myself, giving away too much time, energy, and material... letting myself die alone... and who cares?...

why?